You may have gleaned this from my previous postings, but Lucy is not a good sleeper. She has her moments of great sleep, but generally speaking, I have not had a full night's sleep since she was born. All this was tempered by the fact that she was usually a great daytime sleeper. She's sleep for 2 hours in the morning and the another 2 in the afternoon and then sometimes 45 minutes in the early evening.
This stopped recently. So now she's a mediocre nighttime sleeper and a mediocre daytime sleeper. She wakes up any where from 2-4 times a night (ouch) and she takes catnaps. 45 minute naps, 35 minute naps, sometimes an hour and 15 minute naps...but she always wakes up fussy and rubbing her eyes, making me think she needs more sleep.
So I started camping out by her crib about 10 minutes before she usually wakes up. And I wait. Sometimes she stirs and wiggles her fingers and goes back into a sleep without so much as a whimper. Sometimes she jumps like someone has shocked her, rubs her eyes and starts wailing. My goal is to pat her back to sleep before she actually wakes up. It works like a charm. If I can catch her before she is fully awake, it only takes a few gentle pats to get her to go back to sleep peacefully. Usually if she makes it past 45 minutes, she'll sleep for 1.5-2 hours. But if I miss the stirring and she actually wakes, it's game over, better luck next time.
The tricky part about all of this is not waking her up in my attempt to make sure she doesn't wake up. A sleep cycle in an infant is 40 minutes long. Around 30 minutes, they start to come up out of their deep sleep, crest the wake of barely waking around 40 minutes and - if you are lucky - sink slowly down into another deep sleep around 45 minutes. Some babies can't make the transition from one sleep cycle to another, thus waking up around 40-45 minutes into their nap. Often, this is Lucy. So I have to quietly open the door to her room and wait quietly by her crib for her to stir, then quietly pat her down, then quietly leave when she is back asleep.
Easy right?
WRONG! The door squeaks. It has been painted over so many times that it sort of lightly sticks to the frame, so that also makes a noise when you open the door. The crib will move ever so lightly if you bump it in the wrong place. The floor boards squeak. My GOD do the floor boards sqeak! I have to do a little jig to avoid the squeaky ones on the way to the crib and back out the door after the naptime intervention is done. I have to put weight on one foot ever so slightly, testing the squeak of the floor before putting my full weight on it. Then do the same with the other foot. Then soooooooo slowly lean on the edge of the crib without moving it. Or I can stand stark still in the middle of her room on the one spot I KNOW has no squeaky boards and do a mad dash to the crib side if she starts to wake up, often bumping the crib in my rush to keep her from waking.
Once I have found a quiet position at the edge of her crib, I have to wait. I usually wait for 15 minutes, from 30 minutes into her nap to 45 minutes. After I while I want to move. My back starts to ache or my elbow hurts or the bottoms of my feet start to get really hot (don't even ask. I have no idea why this happens). So I start the cribside boogie. Arching my back, wiggling my hips, rolling my neck. I do every stretch I can think of that doesn't actually require me to move my feet or my arms.
Then it occurs to me that this is my yoga. Not just the stretching, but the waiting, the patting, the watching. I breathe. I am in my body, exactly where it is. I stretch a little. I watch my daughter sleep. I love the idea that she thinks I watch over her every moment of her slumber. Of course this is not true, but I love the idea that she might think this. Whenever she starts to wake and can't go back to sleep, I am there for her with a gentle hand, a gentle pat. She is so sweet while she sleeps. She smiles randomly, sucks her phantom pacifier, sighs deeply. I breathe peace to my sleeping baby. I practice patience as the clocks ticks the minutes off - minutes I could be using for any number of things for myself. This is Life Yoga and I love it. This is Karma Yoga (giving of yourself freely to others). This is Mama Yoga. What a blessing.
No comments:
Post a Comment