Friday, January 7, 2011

Things Don't Want to Forget #2

Lucy says "Oof oof" when you ask her what a dog says.

This is also what she calls a dog.

When Lucy says "hair" is sounds like "HEEEair".

When she says "bear" it sounds like "BEEEair".

We took a walk around the block yesterday and she plowed forward, unsteady but giddy at being "asside" (translation: "outside"), saying "WALK WALK WALK WALK WALK!!" the whole time.

When she dances, Lucy will crook both arms out to the side and bend at the hips with her butt cocked to one side and sort of bounce up and down.  If I can ever get her to do it when I have a video camera, I will post it!  It is so funny!

She is currently into chewing on the noses of all her stuffed animals.

She called Cookie Monster "Elmo".

She calls any unidentifiable animal "Elmo".

She once patted my boob with nursing and called it "Elmo".

We were in the car yesterday waiting to get my emissions inspected.  Lucy was in the back seat playing with her stuffed Cookie Monster toy.  She was saying "Elmo.  El-MO.  ELLLLLmo!  ELLLLLMOOOOOOOOO!  Elmo. ELLLL-mo."  Over and over for about 20 minutes.  Then I heard the toy fall on the floor.  Silence...then very quietly: "Elmo?

Lucy loves Elmo.

She has started whispering.  Now occasionally I hear her whispering to herself "Baby siiiiiiiiiiiiign."

Lucy crawls in her sleep.  For various reasons, we ended up co-sleeping when we were at my parents house for Christmas.  She nearly crawled off the end of the bed in the middle of the night.  She also talks in her sleep and is a very restless sleeper.  While it is cute, it is not conducive to a good night's sleep for me.

She is really ticklish.

Her laugh is like music to me.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Having aToddler is Like Having a Drunk Roommate

"Having a toddler is like having a drunk roommate."  My brother told me this recently as he watched my new walker lurch from one part of his house to another.  The more I watch her, the more I realize this is true:

Lucy lurches to the chair "Dude, this chair looks GREAT!"  She falls over "Whoa!  What happened?"  She pees in her pants.  She belches loudly.  She loudly insist on eating.  She spits up after eating.  She falls asleep randomly.  She gets pissed off if someone tries to stop her from doing something clearly irrational.  Occasionally, she falls over in such as way that it looks like someone pulled the (non-existent) rug out from under her feet (I LOVE that - it is so funny!).  She does inappropriate things like put her hands down her pants and says "BUTTS!"

Yes, having a toddler is very much like having a drunken frat boy living in your house.  Except she smells better...most of the time, anyway.  Now I am learning that having an early talker is like having a drunken, foul-mouthed sailor in my house.  Every other word that comes out of her mouth is a swear word.

Me:  Lucy, what is this? (pointing at her shirt)
Lucy:  Shit.

Me:  (as we are nursing) Lucy, is it time to switch sides?
Lucy: Shit side.

Me:  That's a clock, Lucy.
Lucy: Cock.

Me:  Lucy, ask nicely.
Lucy:  Ass.

Me:  Lucy, this is a picture.
Lucy:  Bitch. Sure.

Lucy: Whazzat? (this is her go-to question.  She will repeat it ad nauseum regardless of any answer she may or may not receive)
Me:  That's a button.
Lucy:  Butts.

Lucy: Whazzat? (violently smacking her crotch during diaper changes)
Me: That's your bottom.
Lucy:  Butts!

Lucy: Whazzat? (Grabbing her heel)
Me:  That's your heel.
Lucy:  Hell.

Lucy:  Whazzat?
Me:  That's your tooth brush.
Lucy: Titty. (this sounds more like "tee-tee")

Me: Do you want your teddy?
Lucy: Titty.

Lucy: Wadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupizzzat?
Me:  That's a book.
Lucy:  (long pause) Wadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupizzzat?
Me:  That's a book.
Lucy:  (long pause) Wadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupizzzat?
Me:  That's a picture of a fox.
Lucy:  Fucks.

And so on.  Sometimes she does cute things with her words (who am I kidding, it's ALL cute) like split a one syllable word into 2 parts.  Take "Book" for instance (or anything ending with a K).  She'll say "Boot", then wait a second as she gets her mouth in the right position and then say "kkkkkkkk".  But generally, everything she says sounds vaguely inappropriate to be coming out of the mouth of a 16-month-old.

One day a few months ago, in the midst of the airline scare with all the printer-cartridge-bombs on planes from the Middle East, I heard Lucy say "Imam", "Jihad" and "Yemen" in the space of 2 hours.  I seriously considered reporting her to the FBI.  I can see the interrogation now:

FBI Agent: So.  Lucy Corbett.
Lucy: Butts.
FBI Agent:  Ms. Corbett, your mother says you have been spreading jihadist sentiments.
Lucy:  Shits.
FBI Agent:  She says you mentioned a Yemeni Jihad  in the days leading up to the attempted bombings.
Lucy: Boob.
FBI Agent:  I am not sure you understand the seriousness of these accusations.
Lucy:  (long pause) Wadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupwadupizzzat?
FBI Agent:  I don't think you are taking this seriously, Ms. Corbett.
Lucy: Butts!
FBI Agent:  We have ways to make you talk.
Lucy:  Tit. Kkkkkk.
FBI Agent:  That's it, take this kid to holding!
Lucy:  Old.
FBI Agent:  Now you're calling me OLD?  You think you're some crafty little fox, don't you?
Lucy:   Fucks.  You.

Off to Guantanamo with you, babykins! 

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Requiem for an Old Friend

On December 10, 2010 Kevin and I got new furniture.  My old couch had been done nigh unto death at Lucy's birthday party by a hoppity, over-zealous four-year-old.  It was time for it to go.  But I felt like I had to compose a eulogy for this couch that has been in my home for almost ten years.  Ten very formative, crazy years.

I call it "my" couch as opposed to "our" couch because it came from my apartment in Takoma Park.  And before that, it came from my apartment in DC I shared with my college boyfriend.  Kevin's couch (from his old apartment in Germantown) is in the mancave, alive and mostly well.  Apparently, I broke the lounger on it a few years ago, but I have no memory of this, so I can't tell what is anyway completely different story.

When I told my friend we were getting new furniture, she said and I quote "But...what about the comfy green couch?"  It was an enduring favorite in my house.  This couch.  Cozy.  Green.  LONG.  Soft and inviting.  Lately a little too soft and inviting, as most people needed a hand to stand up after sitting on it.  More to the point, they were sitting IN the couch.  Here is my history of and eulogy for the comfy green couch.

Another sster, The Pig and CGC, 2007
Comfy Green Couch (along with comfy green loveseat) was purchased at Value City Furniture in Woodbridge (or somewhere in VA). It was sometime in early 2001.  The young couple who bought it had just moved in together in a hip but slightly seedy neighborhood in Washington, DC called Mount Pleasant.  He had moved back to DC after living in Chicago with She (well, not WITH She, but NEAR She, anyway).  She had just moved to DC from Chicago to DC to be with He.  They happily settled into their new apartment.  Comfy Green Couch saw them have crazy parties where people got into fights and brawled in the living room.  Comfy Green Couch had crazy actors crashing on it at all hours of the day and night.  CGC watched as She didn't get into the grad school program she applied to.  CGC saw that He wasn't really doing what he wanted to do.  September 11, 2001 happened.  She came home to find him napping on CGC.  He said "It's okay to cry."  They both realized they weren't right for each other.  CGC saw a long, ugly, drawn-out break-up happen and wondered who's house it would end up in.  He left to go back to school and finish his degree.  She got the couch.

Corbetts, Blanchards and CGC 2006
She moved the CGC into a nice big apartment in Takoma Park where it watched her struggle to get over her long involved relationship with He.  At this apartment, it also witnessed quite a few crazy parties, had a number of hungover party-goers crashed on his comfy greeness.  It witnessed the night She, her sister and 2 of their friends drank a case of wine, listened to Sting records (yes, records on a record player) and passed out on the kitchen floor.  CGC witnessed She decorate her first Christmas tree away from home...and cry the whole time because she had no one to share it with.  This was the genesis of the Christmas Tree Decorating Party that She still hosts every year.

CGC watched as She got a roommate.  NK was the perfect roommate.  She never spilled a drop of her ubiquitous bottle of red wine on CGC, nor did she ever leave anything lying on it that didn't belong there.  NK was cool, clean, laid back, easy to talk to but not nosy, fun.  NK was fun to have around for a summer, then she moved to Paris to teach English.  As far as She knows, NK is still in Paris.  Awesome.

Kali Frodo, Polish Ninja and CGC (AT hikers)
CGC saw as She's youngest sister moved in, stayed, made the place messy, made She's live richer and then left.  CGC saw as She's other sister came and stayed while thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail.  CGC witnessed the overpowering and constant stink of thru-hikers. CGC also witnessed their immense gratitude at access to a shower and soap.  CGC   

CGC saw as a new love came into She's life.  It passively participated in more than his share of romantic romps and passionate interludes.  It watched their relationship grow into something more than the summer fling it started out as.  CGC was there (literally, right THERE) when She told him she thought she was in love with him, and he said it back.  It witnessed them laugh and play and fight and make up and grow into partners.

It was there as they packed up the great little apartment in Takoma Park and the apartment in Germantown to move together to a house in Silver Spring.  It watched them plan their wedding.  CGC was miffed not to get an invite to the wedding, but nevertheless, it hosted She's family admirably at the impromptu, post-wedding party that happened in their house (unbeknownst to the bride and groom).

The Husband was laying on CGC when She came running out of the bathroom with a home pregnancy test saying through happy tears that she was pregnant.  It watched her get big and fat and swollen as they looked for a house to buy.  It was packed up one more time and moved to their nice house in Silver Spring and settled in to end its days in peace.

Sister, Mama, Baby and CGC 2009
It was there while She labored with the baby for more than 50 hours.  It let her snuggle down deep in its comfy pillows to ride out yet another contraction.  It let a nervous almost-new daddy ride out the long long labor in its comforting arms.  It heard the Baby born a few yards away.  It watched Mama struggle to breastfeed, but stick with it in the end.  It tried in its clumsy, couch-like way to comfort her as she cried with exhaustion and frustration in those early weeks.  It held the visitors who came to ooh and aah over the precious new life.  It let Baby and Daddy snuggle up together to let Mama get some sleep.  It watched Baby grow.  It saw her first birthday.  It was killed by an over zealous four-year-old jumping on the its cushions.

They ordered new furniture.  They tried to keep it quiet around CGC, but it knew its useful life was over.  They set it out on the porch the day before the new couch came.  It snowed that night.  It was one of the saddest sights - a loyal, long-suffering couch that watched so many important moments, out in the cold, under a light dusting of snow, watching as the Family put up the Christmas Tree and prepared to celebrate without it.

Thank you Comfy Green Couch.  Every time I see you in pictures, I will have fond memories of your place in my life, and the all times - good and bad and everything in between - that you witnessed.

Sadly, I couldn't find any pictures from before 2006 (I think I had a film camera up until that point)...but there are many many photos of CGC in photo albums...since pretty much every photo take at my home during that time would have been on or around the Comfy Green Couch.